I know that I only have four readers, at least I think I do. It may turn out that you've all gone and found other, more frequently updated blogs. Despite my small and getting smaller readership, I want to put the word out. The America you knew on October 16th died, or at least was shelved on the 17th. That's because on the 16th, if you were for some reason declared an enemy combatant (definition unspecified) you had the right to have a trial before you were thrown in Gitmo forever. This is (sorry, was) an important part of our Constitution. Here it is:
"The Privilege of the Writ of Habeas Corpus shall not be suspended, unless when in Cases of Rebellion or Invasion the public Safety may require it." (Article One, section nine).
It meant that you had the right to defend yourself against charges, defend yourself all the way up to the Supreme Court, one of our three branches of government. This was actually pretty fundamental is distinguishing ourselves from every non-democratic country in the world, your right to an attorney is what stands between you an unlawful punishment for ANYTHING. Sorry, I keep talking like you still have it.
Yesterday, on October 17th, Bush signed the Military Commissons Act of 2006, beside a banner that read "Protecting America" (Remember his other banner, Mission Accomplished?), and wiped away the only thing protecting you from a megalomaniacal despot chucking you in the clink, like...hmm. Who would do that, George Bush? Actually, GW probably won't, but by giving himself, the President, ultimate power over who goes to jail, and whether or not they can protest it, he has neutered a Constitution so well written, it was designed to withstand the worst kind of leader and protect our rights despite him. One of the biggest checks on W's balance is gone thanks to him and the Republican led Congress.
Like I said, I don't honestly think W is a madman like Hitler as my more liberal friends might. If you think he's like Hitler, basically, you don't know Hitler. He's bad though. He has shown by destroying this provision of the Constitution that he's too stupid to lead. He's too stupid to know that even though in his heart of heart he thinks he won't go locking people up for no reason, the next guy might, like Dick Cheney after Bush gets in another, more serious, bicycle accident. Now don't get me wrong, W has locked plenty of people up without trial already, but as far as I know, none of them have been American citizens. See, he hasn't been able to do that before. Now he can.
You might at this point think to yourself, "Self, he's exaggerating right? Surely, though Bush is bad, he's hasn't done THAT." Well, why don't you see for yourself in your first VIEWING assignment:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibpdwFjPMWE
And, as your next assignment, forward this link, or the link to this blog entry on to some of your fellow Americans, who, as the George Washington Law Professor says, treated this story with a big YAWN.
I wasn't intending to inform my good readers about my small act of civil heroism, it was really nothing, and probably saved fewer than 5,000 lives. Ordinarily I'd step back and let others take the credit, but this time is different. This time, I have paperwork.
Several weeks ago, M and I were walking down South 4th street to our pad, when I noticed a curious sign posted to a tree, handwritten it said:
" Please do not remove these dead birds, let the Dpt. of Health do it "
Naturally, I looked for the avian corpses, which I presently found, tits up, at the base of the tree. Sure enough, three dead birds, juncos perhaps, though I am less than a competent bird watcher, even when dead. (not me, the birds, when I'm dead I can assume I'll be even less able) The next tree bore a similar sign, and at the base, similar results, two more fat dead brown birds. Three dead birds in one tree is one thing, but two more in the next tree over is troubling. I immediately diagnosed that they had died from whatever toxic spray they are using to eradicate asian bark beetle, or tree worm, or leaf monkey etc. it fit in nicely with my private conspiracy theory that that spray is killing everything it touches, so I called 311.
For those of you outside of NYC, 311 is the NON-emergency number to call when you have a complaint, a suggestion, and emotional issue having to do with the city. It is quite a good service actually, but my previous encounters with it had more to do with surly operators hanging up on me than anything else (I wanted to ask if it was ok to have a sidewalk sale in front of our building, and, saving the tax payers 4 cents of their time, they hung up).
This time, the man on the other end of the line was listening. Dead birds? Oh, hang on. He put me on with someone else, who also listened as I described the type of bird, the exact location, and the handwritten signs on the trees. Having failed to recognize me as the idiotic sidewalk saler, they actually took my call seriously, and thanked me for pointing the way to the carnage. The next day, they even called me back to say that they would be sending out a crew that evening, but if for some reason they missed them, I was to dawn rubber gloves, a face mask and plastic bags, and do the deed myself. Apparently, this was a serious situation. Finally, I thought, some attention will be paid to the terrors of spraying the trees for gypsy moths and whiskey critters. But a quick search on the net told me different. Clusters of dead birds generally mean one thing: West Nile Virus.
That very evening, the Dept. of Health came, followed by news crews, to the scene of the epidemic. Some locals, original to the neighborhood, complained that they hadn't been listened to when they called, but were glad that someone finally came. I assume these were the sign writers. I also assume, that the operator at 311 had no idea what they were talking about, since they were barely comprehensible on TV.
Now this all happened some time ago, and I had forgotten about the incident (though I was reminded a little of it two days ago when I was hit in the leg by a flying bird, while walking back from lunch). But I was reminded, and inspired to write about it this evening, when I opened my mail box to find five seperate letters from the NYC Dept. of Health. Each weighed the same, and each had identical postmarks. Each were addressed to me. I stared at them in wonder, what malfunction had caused this pile-up of letters? The first one I opened read:
Re: Dead Bird located on BEDFORD Ave. and S. 4TH St. has been assigned for pick up
Report Number: 57355
That's odd, thought I, that was weeks ago and they were picked up right away. I opened the next one. It was the same. I stared at it until I found the only difference:
Re: Dead Bird located on BEDFORD Ave. and S. 4TH St. has been assigned for pick up
Report Number: 57356
Five dead birds, five letters. Each incident of dead bird with corresponding report number. God knows that if I ever find a bigger clutch of corpses, say, five HUNDRED birds, I ain't gonna report them, our mailbox can't fit that many letters.
Here is your reading assignment:
Okay, now that you've read the NYTimes article you can comment to yourselves about what it means. I will make an analogy that perhaps will be off base, but I'm trying to express my own feelings about the issue of Muslim immigrants IN EUROPE. I think it is a different story in America. Not unrelated, but different.
Say I have a gated community called "Free Love". It is sort of a hippie-ish compound where we claim to accept everyone as they are. I've essentially thrown open the doors, though I still claim ownership of the community. One reason I've thrown open the doors, is because in my newfound sense of love for peace and light, I've had to come to terms with the fact that my gated community has done some VERY bad things to the people down the hill. We've enslaved them. We've dumped our trash on them. We've dictated how they should live. Well, I'm above that now, so to make amends, and some free love while I'm at it, I'm throwing open the gates! Everyone in! A few months later, many of the people from down the hill have come in. They are working. They are living a higher standard of living than they did, but they don't seem to want to join in all the free love we're having over here. In fact, they seem to be rather disgusted by it. "Hey neighbor!" I shout, "care for a backrub and a Cosmo?" (who wouldn't want a backrub and a Cosmo from a gorgeous Northern European like myself?) It turns out, that the folks I've invited in ARE rather disgusted with my behavior, just like they were disgusted when I came down the hill and did unspeakable things to them. Both things it turns out, are rather against their religion. They seem to be feeling a little ill at ease, let's insult their holiest of Holies and see what happens. "Your Prophet is a big fat idiot!" I say, OH! They DO seem to be upset! Well, that's not very free love is it? In Free Love we say what we please and then have a civil discussion about it! Instead, they are lighting my compound on fire! How rude! Let's expel them! Oh! They don't seem to want to leave! They seem to want to keep burning things!!!!
This is my vision of how it is in Europe right now. Simplistic? Yes. Does it solve any problems? No. But it is how I see it. The problem is, when you piss all over people, they tend to get upset. If you stop pissing on them, and lend them a hand off the ground, they tend to still be upset about the whole pissing thing. You see, you're SUPPOSED to help people up, you are not supposed to piss on them. And that is precisely what the West has been doing for the past 300 years to Muslims and others in the East. Little wonder they will opt to live a better life, but not embrace our lifestyle.
Note though, that if the Turks had managed to defeat the West in the Battle of Vienna (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Vienna) It would be us asking for a hand up, and the Muslims doing the pissing. Thankfully the Poles had the finest cavalry of the age and trounced the Turks saving not only Vienna, but probably all of Europe. But that is a slightly different topic. Do though, note the date of the Battle of Vienna: September 11, 1683.
We went shopping this evening for a pair of old pants. That is to say, I was wearing old pants and I needed new ones. My jeans are distressed to the point of indecency and I wanted to take action before the authorities did. We walked to our local Gap, purveyors of all things made in China, and approached the imposing great wall of Denim in the Men's section. I was shocked to learn that I was actually wearing new pants, since the jeans they are selling are distressed to the point of indecency and perhaps past it. One pair even had a oily hand print on it. Price? $60. I was considering trading my services and working for an hour placing greasy hand-prints on jeans in exchange for a pair. It turns out that my pants, complete with torn pockets, a hole in the crotch and an Indian food stain, have come full circle and are now much sought after. So with my step lightened considerably, we left the store without any pants at all.