IPW

It Was Easter's Fault

Blame Easter. When last we met, we were about to head to Costco where we would encounter what amounts to bulk shopping at the Olympic village. Minus the fit athletes, plus frumpy people of all backgrounds trying to lift overlarge cans of tomato sauce off of shelves. Alas, things did not go as planned. Magda, ever the planner, suggested I call Costco first to make sure they were open on Easter.

"Easter! Fa!" said I, "Everything is open on Easter."

I called and of course they were closed which threw our plans into turmoil. One thing you do not want to do is ruin my wife's plans, so Easter, let it be known that she is gunning for you. I will take this occasion to dress you down myself as not only did you ruin my plans, you forced me to admit my wife was right, which I dislike, but am forced to do on occasion. I try to keep these occasions to a minimal by agreeing with everything she says. Why I did not in this case is a mystery.

Easter, you are fake. There were no egg toting bunnies carrying brightly dyed eggs in the The Jesus' time, He would have had an unfair advantage during the Easter Egg hunts if there had been. He would have simply put a finger to his temple while his admirers were scurrying around looking under bushes and pronounced that he could see one hiding in the rafters of that manger over there. Then when they went to find it he would have rummaged through everyone's baskets and bitten the heads off all their chocolate bunnies.

Easter, as anyone with access to Wikipedia can tell you, has no relation to Jesus popping out from behind a rock (tada!) It is in fact the Jewish festival of Passover, with fancy baskets. In most languages, the name for Easter is a mutilation of the Hebrew word Pesach, for example in Italian it's "Pasqua". Our word Easter in English is named after the Pagan month of Eostremonat, dedicated to the fertility goddess Eostre. Why would They (random old men in robes) do this? Well it really helped the scruffy pagans, and any Jew who was tired of being beaten with sticks, get on board with Christianity if their cultures conveniently fit right in. And Christianity is, if nothing else, accommodating. I suggest it become more accommodating by keeping Costco open on this Holiday in the future. How do I know all this, I read it on the internet and everything on the internet is true. The history of Easter is a fascinating read actually, find it here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Easter

It was pointed out by "brap" one of the fine readers of this blog, that in France they have a tradition of the church bells delivering eggs. From Rome no less. Bells don't even have feet you crazy Frenchies! Much less arms to carry eggs. That's why delivery by our anthropomorphized man-rabbit makes infinitely more sense.

Having exorcised my Easter demons I will continue the story of my Mom's stay. Instead of going to Costco, we returned the car to Bryan and went by foot to the Botanical Gardens in Prospect Park. Lovely. My favorite bits were the bonsai trees on display. Some more than 150 years old, they have seen some things. They looked fresh and healthy, and for some reason really cheered me up. I like to think of multiple generations of people caring for and gradually sculpting these plants. Most of their original owners had died, but their pet projects live on in a greenhouse in Brooklyn, a hundred years after their deaths. In my quest for eternal life, I think I want a bonsai to be grown in my ashes. And maybe with my hand-bone sticking out to scare away the kiddies.

We continued through Prospect Park and took the train to Coney Island which is always a treat. For some reason, all the Chassids in Brooklyn were there, sunbathing in their black suits and long flowery dresses. Maybe because Costco was closed? I have a theory that Easter is like Christmas for them, they have the run of the place while all the Christians chow down on ham. For two days of the year, the city is cleared out of goyim and they finally have some elbow room.

The rest of the time my Mom was here we stayed busy, we went to the Czech beer garden in Queens for a late Easter dinner. On Monday we checked out PS1 (not as good as the last time I went) and had beers at both the Belgian pub in the West Village, and Chumley's, the phantom old New York bar that is so hard to pin down.

With the exception of Jewish Pagan holiday of Easter getting in the way my Mom's visit went well. She left yesterday as we hugged her, said our good-byes, then stuffed her in a towncar, hopefully headed to JFK. We wish her the best on the rest of her trip, as from here she was headed to France and then London. She will have to watch for Roman egg totting bells.

Posted by ian at April 17, 2006 11:47 AM