IPW

Losing My Religion

Maybe Ian has something to say about Zoroastrianism? One one my excellent readers got weirded out over the word Zoos, which is a strange word indeed, and after staring at it too long decided I was about to wax poetic about the ancient religion Zoroastrianism. So as an ode to Brandy the Arab™, I will.

Originally spelled "Zorroastrianism" this was one of the world's first monotheistic religions and introduced civilization to such concepts and an eternal battle between good and evil and an afterlife in heaven. It was developed in Persia no earlier than 1700 BCE and no later than 600 BCE and its central revered figure is the shadowy Mexican bandit, Zorro. While little is known about this mysterious deity, it is fairly well documented that he liked to score the letter Z into things with a quick whip of his sword. The central question of the Zorroastorians was, "What Would Zorro Do?" (WWZD) and unlike certain prophets that would follow, the answer was always very simple: He would cut a Z. For example, "This door won't open. WWZD? Aah, cut a Z on it!" The door in question would inevitably fall inwards revealing your surprising presence to the occupants inside.

Some more examples:

Milk has gone bad: Cut a Z
Bills are due: Cut a Z
Unsure which child is pure and which is pure evil: Cut a Z across both of their shirts
Will I go to Heaven?: Cut a Z
A chubby Spaniard has just imprisoned the villagers demanding they give him all their ham: Cut a Z

These are just some of the ingenious ways Zorroastrianism solves life's daily difficulties.

There are some nagging questions dogging the myth of Zorro, for instance, how did he battle the Spanish colonizers in Olde California no earlier than 1700 BCE and no later than 600 BCE when the Spaniards didn't conquer Mexico until 1521 AD? Also troubling are the persistent rumors that Zorro was actually a man named Diego Vega wearing a black sombrero and mask, pathologically cutting stuff with a sword. These are nothing more than rumors and mathematical discrepancies however and should not detract from the importance of actual history. Much like how the Bible doesn't mention dinosaurs and yet there is "evidence" that they existed well before the creation of the earth by Zorro.

What Would Zorro Do to pesky scientists and historians?

Correct.

Posted by ian at March 14, 2006 03:25 PM